his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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