hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
