Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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