I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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