You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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