i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize