yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
