I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think my moral compass just broke
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
