Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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