i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize