If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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