Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
