Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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