Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize