Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize