my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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