I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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