I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i came on her dog
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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