Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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