Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
