Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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