Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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