i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
