I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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