She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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