420 ftw
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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