I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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