I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
