I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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