Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
