I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
