Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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