i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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