The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
