He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
