I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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