he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
