are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
