my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont even know how to be here
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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