My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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