you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
