Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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