and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
