If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
