i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize