I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
