he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
