high people should be assigned attendants
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
