The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
