Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
