He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize