How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize