So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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