her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
