Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
