Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
