there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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