Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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