It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
